Relationship workshops set
Fincham says supportive relationship can ease life's journey
By PATRICIA
DONOVAN
Contributing Editor
A
supportive relationship with a spouse or partner often is a source of
comfort and strength, a buffer against the slings and arrows of outrageous
fortune. By helping both partners manage stress from a variety of sources,
it not only can lengthen life, but make it more pleasant.
While
good rapport with intimates can ease life's burdens, research shows
that close relationships fraught with conflict increase blood pressure,
produce cardiovascular strain and alter the function of the immune system,
according to Frank Fincham, professor of social and clinical psychology.
To
help couples improve their communication and problem-solving skills,
the Psychological Services Center in Park Hall on the North Campus is
offering a three-hour relationship workshop in April. The workshop will
be held from 6:30-9:30 p.m. on Wednesday and repeated from 9 a.m. to
noon on April 13 and from 6:30-9:30 p.m. on April 18.
The
workshops will help couples learn the sources and consequences of relationship
stress and how they can enhance their partnerships through the use of
better methods of communicationcareful listening, discussion instead
of argument, conflict-resolution techniques and compromise.
The
center provides service to the community, as well as to UB students,
faculty members and staff. Fees are based on a sliding-fee scale and
differ depending on family size and income. For information about the
workshops, call the Psychological Services Center at 645-3697.
Fincham,
cited by his peers as one of the most influential researchers in clinical
psychology, says it's not surprising that chronic relationship strain
is associated with poor mental and physical health.
"Given
the potential an intimate relationship has to help or harm a person's
life and health," he says, "it's very important to attend to our relationships,
to keep them working as smoothly as possible so that when problems arise,
as they always will, we get through them with as little anxiety, anger
and physical stress as possible.
"Do
we wait for our car to break down before we get it serviced?" he asks.
"Of course not. When it comes to our relationships, though, we tend
to wait for trouble before we look for help. In fact, more people seek
professional help for relationship problems than anything else.
"It
doesn't have to be that way," Fincham says. "Relationship success is
not due to romantic love or luck, but commitment and hard work," he
notes. Yet even with the best of intentions, approximately 45 percent
of new marriages will end in divorce.
"The
number one relationship problem according to couples and counselors
is communication," Fincham says, "but with some help, most couples can
improve communication and keep serious problems at bay."
At
the very least, Fincham suggests that if a couple is having problems,
they should get help early, before the situation deteriorates to the
point at which resentment and hostility rule the roost. He points out
that there are early warning signs that the relationship might be headed
for trouble.
"Everyone
argues, for instance," he says, "but if arguments become more frequent
or more heated than usual or if they don't resolve the issue at hand,
it's likely that communication has broken down, perhaps because the
couple's skills in that area aren't what they could be.
"If
partners are having difficulty talking with one another, if one or both
feel negative about the relationship much of the time or worry about
the effect it's having on their lives or those of their children," he
says, "then it's important to do something about it. If not, stress
will continue to build and produce problems of its ownsometimes
problems more serious than those produced by the original disagreement.
"But
why wait until it gets to that point?" he asks. "It's quite rational
to get a Ôrelationship service' while things are going well. That way,
when problems arise, the couple already will have in hand useful ways
to talk about their conflict and effective means to resolve it."
A
former Rhodes Scholar, Fincham has received many awards for his research,
including the President's Award from the British Psychological Society
for "distinguished contributions to psychological knowledge" and the
Berscheid-Hatfield Award from the International Network on Personal
Relationships for "sustained, substantial and distinguished contributions
to the field of personal relationships."
Fincham's
research programs are in complementary areas. The first focuses on understanding
marriage/partnership, particularly the cognitive processes involved
in conflict. The second examines the association between inter-parental
conflict/divorce and child adjustment.