UB Professor Says Making “Connection” Is Key In Preventing Youth Suicide

BUFFALO, N.Y. -- Thomas T. Frantz has spent 25 years dealing with people affected by suicide, death, dying and grief, and has witnessed first-hand the pain that leads up to and lingers after a tragedy. That pain can be deadly for teen-agers, he says, and urges parents, teachers and friends to do their part in preventing youth suicide by making a connection with the troubled youth.

Senior associate dean in the University at Buffalo Graduate School of Education and chair of the school's Department of Counseling and Educational Psychology, Frantz calls suicide "one of the most difficult things we have to face in this world."

That young people choose death over making a connection with us is devastating, he says, and so are the numbers of adolescents who either have thought about suicide or have made an attempt. In a classroom of 30 students, he says, typically 12-15 teens will admit they've considered suicide, while one or two usually have attempted -- statistics he admitted seem unbelievably high.

With the risk so great among teens, what can be done to prevent suicide?

"The key to intervening is to connect with them," Frantz says. "Somebody who is suicidal has become disconnected from life…from other people. They feel alone. They feel like no one understands their burdens."

The pain isn't always obvious to family and friends, he says, which makes noticing that someone needs help that much harder. Sometimes, a person's cry for help could be saying: "I need to talk." But most times, he says, because those who are typically suicidal have an incredibly difficult time sharing their pain, the signs are much more subtle. Maybe it's a student visiting his teacher, maybe it's a phone call to a grandparent to say "hi." Sometimes, Frantz notes, the person who previously may have been withdrawn or was having a hard time takes an unexpected turn for the better. But the sudden improvement in mood may have a darker explanation.

"Now, they know it's a matter of hours, of days before (their life is) over," he says, describing their feelings of having reached their decision as relief. "(The good mood is) so ironic, because it may be that time (he/she) is most at risk."

Frantz says that 80 percent of young people who kill themselves tell someone ahead of time. But those who dismiss or take lightly comments related to suicide or urge a person to "hang in there" a bit longer should not be blamed for not having the foresight to predict suicide, he says.

"Even when we get told directly, it's hard to believe it," he says. "It's hard for us to let that in."

But letting in that notion may help ease the pain.

"They release some of the pain with you. They pick up intuitively your concern," he says. "That exchange…is the beginning of, perhaps, turning this thing around."

Frantz stresses the importance of taking time to interact with a person, no matter how slight the suspicion of suicide.

"Our job is to throw them a lifeline by connection with them (through) conversation," he says.

He points out that while "we cannot live on the top side of this earth very long without feeling pain," those who turn to suicide more than likely haven't devised ways to get rid of their pain.

"Most kids who attempt suicide or die by suicide don't want to die," he says. "They want to stop hurting."

We have to recognize that "this is another human being just like myself who's hurting. You do this primarily through caring, (with a) 'we're-all-in-this-together' attitude."

Trying to talk someone out of wanting to kill themselves, while good-intentioned, is not the answer, Frantz says.

"They're at the emotional level, we're at the cognitive level. With kids, we have to try to get to their level."

He says the time during which someone is ready to kill himself -- or is considered "lethal" -- typically lasts between a few hours and a few days. That is the time, he says, to get into the trenches, to throw that lifeline.

"If, during this period, we can intervene, the odds are, you won't get back there again."