University at Buffalo - The State University of New York

• Print

• Comments

By LAUREN NEWKIRK MAYNARD

Published: October 28, 2010

How do you diffuse a raging 4-year-old? When do you take away teddy bears and texting privileges? Is there a benefit to arguing in front of the kids? These were just some of the questions raised at the “Parenting Lunch Bunch,” a new support group launched recently to help UB employees cope with the inevitable stresses and crises of parenting.

Any parent will agree that raising children is the toughest job of all, says Chris Siuta, coordinator of UB’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP). A licensed therapist with 15 years of experience counseling children and parents, Siuta also has a private practice in West Seneca and teaches at other area colleges. He based the new parenting group on an existing program at the UB Child Care Center, which had partnered with EAP to support parents of preschoolers. Siuta thought an expanded program would work well for the entire campus community.

Siuta uses a solution-focused approach that looks at the alternatives parents already are using to solve problems at home. He stresses the “love and logic” philosophy, where parents learn to use positive interactions to help kids feel good about themselves and empowered to make better decisions. The Parenting Lunch Bunch is free and open to all faculty and staff, and their spouses and partners, and offers practical solutions to dealing with their children’s behavior.

The first session, held on Oct. 13 in the basement of Abbott Hall on the South Campus, included discussion of broken homes and school friendships, how to punish and reward fairly, and the merits and drawbacks of arguing in front of children. In one exercise, parents were asked to envision an ideal scenario where all their child-rearing issues were resolved. “You go to bed one night and sleep through a miracle. What does it look like?” asked Siuta. After the exercise, the group developed potential solutions that would help them reach their goals—and their children.

One single mom said she envisioned a cleaner house, with more orderly routines for her three kids. Another stressed-out parent of two girls (including a “strong-willed” 4-year-old who recently drew all over her bedroom in red marker) wished for techniques to get through weekday mornings without escalating conflicts. “I’m tired of constantly badgering them to listen, to obey,” she said.

Two parents who both work in the Department of Theatre and Dance came to get feedback on how they react to their two teenage daughters. “They’re good girls, I just wish they had more ambition—a passion to try new things,” said their mother, whose “miracle” was having both teens doing homework in the living room with her in front of a roaring fire. “I used to build the fires and get them into the room, and it worked for a while,” she said. “I need to get back to that.”

Siuta says he hopes the Parenting Lunch Bunch will run monthly and grow as word gets out. In an increasingly complex world, he adds, parents need to be armed with more tools to help their families thrive. “You’re all doing a great job with your kids 99 percent of the time,” he told attendees. “It’s that crucial 1 percent we have to focus on.”

To register for upcoming Parenting Lunch Bunch sessions, click here.