University at Buffalo - The State University of New York

Beth Church, a master’s student in the School of Nursing, is a recipient of a 2011 Pat Tillman scholarship. Photo: DOUGLAS LEVERE

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• “I am inspired by my beautiful husband, and hope to continue in my passion for helping veterans in Paul’s honor.”

  Beth Church

  UB Nursing Student and Tillman Scholar

By SARA SALDI

Published: July 28, 2011

On the morning of July 3, 2009, she returned to her home after working the night shift in the Oak Hill (Fla.) Hospital ICU to find that her husband of less than a year had committed suicide. She was eight-and-a-half-months pregnant.

Church’s husband, Paul, originally a reservist—a Navy Seabee who had been called to active duty in Iraq from 2003 to 2004—was not active at the time of his death, making it difficult to prove that his death was service-related. But Church knew differently.

An RN who worked for 13 years as a nurse traveling around Florida, Church is originally from West Seneca and came back to Western New York last August to enroll in the master’s degree program in psychiatric nursing in UB’s School of Nursing. She will graduate next summer.

“After what happened to Paul, I wanted to help other veterans and their families going through the same thing,” says Church.

That desire to assist those grieving after a military suicide figured prominently in Church’s application essay for the Pat Tillman scholarship.

The application process is arduous—more than 1,200 applicants submitted an essay and were interviewed by five individuals. Church was one of 60 who were named 2011 Tillman Military Scholars.

The Tillman Foundation provides resources and educational scholarship support to veterans, active-service members and their dependents. The foundation was developed to honor the memory of Pat Tillman, an NFL player with the Arizona Cardinals who put his career on hold to serve his country. He died in Afghanistan in 2004.

Church’s story portrays the plight of a young woman who, while grieving for her lost husband, was left alone to fight for the benefits her family deserved.

What happened to Paul Church? He was a newlywed, had a secure position at the James A. Haley VA Hospital and had a baby on the way.

Two events stand out.

In 2003, two weeks after arriving in Ramadi, Iraq, as a newly deployed Navy Seabee with Naval Mobile Construction Battalion (NMCB) #14, an attack not far from his unit killed seven men and wounded more than 50. One of those killed was a close friend.

The Navy Seabees’ insignia (named Seabees because they are construction battalions) depicts a flying bee holding a small machine gun and a wrench and a hammer. Seabees are prepared to fight when necessary, but mostly they build and repair.

Paul Church wasn’t prepared for that kind of tragedy.

“That had a much more serious effect on him than he let on,” Beth Church says. “He tried to keep it to himself, but I don’t think he ever got over it. It’s called survivor guilt.”

Not long after the first attack, Church and a fellow Seabee were building bridges when a nearby bomb went off and knocked them unconscious. According to Beth Church, this was to have a subtle, but growing effect on her husband’s life.

Paul Church came home from Iraq in 2004 with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and possibly traumatic brain injury (TBI). He experienced hyperarousal syndrome and an exaggerated startle reflex. At one point, he literally jumped behind a restaurant counter when a car backfired.

Then he lost his business and his first wife, and his father died.

“It was a rough homecoming,” says Beth.

Beth Church knows now that although she and her new husband were happy together, Paul was suffering silently, trying to protect her.

“I was having a difficult pregnancy and he didn’t want to worry me.”

Paul Church had been examined for TBI but nothing conclusive was discovered. However, he expressed concern to his wife about his attention span and his short-term memory.

After he died, Beth had to work to handle her grief, find psychological and financial support for veterans’ dependents, and take care of her infant son, Evan, who was born just three weeks after his father’s death.

She still had to prove that Paul’s death was service-related. That’s when the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) put her in touch with Terri Thibodeaux. Thibodeaux managed to get her case heard by Capt. Matthew Berta, assistant to the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff for Navy Reserve matters, and eventually Adm. Michael Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Mullen and Church began corresponding via email.

Church had been working for seven months to get Paul’s benefits and she obtained them within a month of her first correspondence with Mullen.

“I wouldn’t be here (at UB) if it weren’t for Adm. Mullen and Capt. Berta, and an angel named Terri; they are my heroes,” Church says.

She wants to tell her husband’s story and make it easier for families of military suicide to navigate the rough waters of obtaining benefits as well as psychological support.

She still cries when she talks about the night of her husband’s death.

“Looking back on it, on the day he died he was alone all night holding back his guilt, his feelings about TBI. And then the last straw: the firecrackers going off because it was July 3. It might have been too much” she says.

When Church completes her master’s program, she will go back to Florida with Evan to be with Paul’s friends and work at the VA as a psychiatric nurse practitioner.

“As part of my commitment to the Tillman Foundation, I want to develop seminars for before and after deployment on suicide prevention and I want to provide suicide-related grief counseling for veterans and their families. I am inspired by my beautiful husband, and hope to continue in my passion for helping veterans in Paul’s honor.”